Day 33:Love Completes Each Other

What are some upcoming decisions you can make together? Where to live and when to move.

What did you learn today about the role of your mate? Just reminded me that we both have different gifts and that we need to listen to one another and work as a team.

Day 32: Love meets Sexual Needs

Was this a satisfying experience for you?

If it didn't turn out the way you hoped, what do you think is complicating matters?

Have you committed this to prayer?

If it was a true blessing for both of you, what you can you learn from this for the future?

Due to the privacy of these questions I am not answering them on this public blog. For readers who are not aware, Stormi O Martian has wonderful books "Power of a Praying Husband" and "Power of a Praying Wife" that have some wonderful prayers for the sexual relationship of a man and wife.

Day 31: Love and Marriage

Has this been hard for you to deal with? Yes, early in our relatioinship it was.

How has it affected your relationship? More conflict and distance.

Day 30:Love Brings Unity

Did the Lord open your eyes to anything new that might be giving fuel to this disagreement? Selfishness.

How do you intend to respond? Try to be more sensitive to my wife.

What do you hope to see God do in your spouse as well? Help her to be more sensitive to me so we are in better balance.

Day 29:Love's Motivation

How will this change of motivation affect your relationship and reactions. Hopefully I will be more consistently loving from a pure heart.

What does this inspire you to do? Not sure.

What does this inspire you to stop doing? Not sure.

Sidenote. I have really been having trouble the last couple or three days, really putting my heart into some of these dares. I do have them in the back of my mind, but just haven't had alot of oomph lately. I do notice that I tend to be appreciating my wife more though through doing this 40day love dare.

Day 28: Love makes Sacrifices

How much of your mate's stress is caused by your lack of concern or initiative? Unfortunately, probably alot.

When you expressed a desire to help, how did they recieve it? Ok.

Are there other needs you could meet? Try to get newspaper pile down before, company tommorrow.

Day 27:Love encourages

When you place high expectations on your spouse that they don't feel internally motivated to attain,what does that tell you about yourself?- That I am very demanding of others.

What are some better ways to deal with these disconnects? Encourage them when I see things I really appreciate.

Day 26:Love is Responsible

What does your spouse need to see in order to believe that your confession was more than just words?

Day 25:Love Forgives

What did you forgive your spouse for today? Don't want to say publicly

How long have you been carrying the weight of it? Quite awhile.

What are the possibilities now that you have released this matter to God? See what happens.

Day 24:Love vs. Lust

What did you identify as an area of lust? Bitterness

What has this pursuit cost you over time? Energy, relationships

How has it led you away from the person you want to be? Less loving than I want to be

Write about your new committment to seek Him,-and to seek your spouse-rather than foolish desires.

Dear Lord,

Please continue to help me overcome bitterness. In Jesus name, Amen

Day 23: Love Always Protects

What did you throw out first? Nothing so far.

Are there other things that need to go as well? Probably more I need to be cautious with what I eat,what I read, how much time I spend on the internet,etc.

What do you hope the removal off these things will do for you, your marriage, and your relationship with God? As I am more cautious about my focus and my time, I suspect I will feel better about myself, will be closer to my wife and to God.

Day 22:Love is Faithful

Why is this kind of love impossible without Christ living in your heart? Because or our fallen selfish nature.

How does His presence within you allow you to love even when it's primarily one- sided? He reminds me of His sacrificial love for me, which helps me love sacrificially.

Day 21: Love is Satisfied in God

How do you think spending time daily with God will change your situation and perspective? It will help me to have more peace and joy and give me the ability to love my wife more fully as Christ loves the church.

How can You make Him a bigger part of your day? Turning on worship music during the day, praying short prayers, speaking His word in situations.

Day 20: Love is Jesus Christ

Write about what this experience has been like for you. Even if you are only renewing your committment to recieve and express His love, what has He shown You today?

Reminded me of the important of His Grace to change our hearts, or even for us to desire our hearts to be changed.

Day 19:Love is Impossible

What do you believe God is saying to You? I need more of Him to love my wife with the love of Christ.

Is there a stirring in your heart? A little bit.

What decisions have you made in response to this? To continue to pursue God through, worship,prayer, and His Word and as I am more filled with His love, I will more easily love my wife with His help.

Day 18: Love Seeks to Understand

What did you learn about your spouse that you didn't know before?

How could you continue this process of discovery in other ways and times?- By asking questions by e mail.

What are some of the moments that made this evening memorable? ( We are apart right now)

Day 17:Love Promotes Intimacy

How much is it for you to hold back from saying something critical or otherwise? I need to be cautious, but usually it is not a huge struggle.

What have you learned from your spouse today, simply from listening? Haven't talked to her yet, but by her email with a friend, she really enjoyed our time together the other night with that friend.

Day 15:Love is Honorable

How did you choose to show honor? I sent her some scripture from Titus 2 about how older women are to teach younger women and I told her how proud I am that she does that.

What was the result? Don't know yet.

What are some other ways you can show her honor in the coming days? Really make an effort to be more tuned in as she speaks and I seek to listen.

Day 14: Love takes Delight

What did you decide to give up?

What did you do together?

How did it go?

What new thing did you learn or relearn about your spouse?

I am out of town, right now, so will look for opportunities to do this when we are back together.

Day 13:Love Fights Fair

If your spouse particpated with you, what was their response? She didn't participate with me.

What rules did you write for yourself? What I realize is that with the pairs training that we have had, and coach training that I have had, that in times of tension, I need to be proactive about suggesting that we use the tools tha we know. We know from past experience that they work well, but sometimes I don't seem to have the emotional fortitude to really remind her that we need to do what we know. Alot easier to just withdraw, and try to ignore things.

Day 12: Love Let's the Other Win

What issue did you choose?

What did giving in cost you?


How will this help you in the future? Really didn't choose an issue for today, but it is something I need to be more aware about in the future, especially on minor preference issues.

Day 11:Love Cherises

What did you chose to show you cherish your mate?
Actually before I read this,I had made the bed and made breakfast. Also, we had already planned to go on a day trip, that I had suggested just to be together

What did you learn from this experience? I just need to keep aware of doing the little things.

Day 10: Love is Unconditional

Has your love in the past been based on your spouse's attributes and behavior, or on your committment?

At various times both. I do appreciate alot of things about my wife. I also endured a 16 month separation, when she made it clear she wanted out of our marriage, so hopefully at that time, I showed some love based on committment.

How can you continue to show love when it's not returned in the way you hoped for?

By chosing to do many of the things already discussed in The Love Dare, such as patience, not being irritable, believing the best, greeting warmly, etc.

Day 9 Love Makes Good Impressions

When and where did you choose to do your special greeting?
Well, yesterday when I read this dare, I had already greeted her- so I didn't really do anything special. I thought I wrote about this dare yesterday but it must of gotten lost in cyber-space. Today, when I got ready to leave the house, even though we had said good morning, I went back over to the couch and kissed her with enthusiasm.

How will you change your greeting from now on?

I realized I could use some more enthusiasm. Maybe more times when I get home, I will go upstairs and find here to say hello rather than just yelling- or maybe I will yell more enthusiasically. Probably need to think more about how I answer the phone when she calls. So easy to be all business and goal focused.

Day 8 Love is not Jealous

How hard was it to destroy the list? Not hard.

What are some positive experiences you can celebrate in the life of your mate? That homeschooled the kids so well without her own college education and now they are in college.

How can you encourage them towards future success? Believe in her on the days she doesn't believe in herself.

Day 7 Love Believes the Best

Which list was easier to make? Actually positive- it was painful once I started on negative.

What did this reveal about your thoughts? They are in a whole lot better place about my wife than a few years ago.

What attribute did you thank your spouse for having?
Spiritually aware and discerning.

Day 6 Love is not Irritable

Where do you need to add margin to your life?- Being more consistent with quality time with the Lord.

When have you recently overreacted? Not sure.

What was your real motivation behind it?

What decisions have your made today? To be more aware of when I am heading towards irritability to try to head it off.

Day 5 Love is not Rude

What things did your spouse point out to you that need attention? She emailed back that she wished I would get off the phone when it is obvious the conversation has ended, and that I would let my son know more about my comings and goings.


How did you handle hearing it? Mostly ok. Sometimes, I stay on the phone because I really want to connect with her, feel there is something more, but don't know what to say. It is reasonable for my son to know more, if he will pay attention when I tell him.


What do you plan to do to improve in these areas? Try to be more aware of both.